Welcome to Constantine
by Shenron-puppy and Dagger-kitty
Summary: People thought John had saved the world from hell, but in reality he's just walked into it, for ten demons are coming to Earth with extreme powers, and he must list some help. Chapter 5 is done!
1. Hell's beginning

Disclaimer: hi, I'm Dagger-kitty, this is Shenron-puppy, and we don't own a damn thing.

Summary: John tells a whole new version of the tale.

Author's notes: First off, this isn't based off the movie. However, I do occasionally steal lines from the movie. Second, we kind of torture John, Balthazar, Angela, and Papa Midnight so dun eat us. Third, we do kind of take liberties with John's character. Now, ON WITH THE FIC! (Hack hack cough cough)

Hey, I'm John Constantine. I save the world from impending doom. Yeah, I know, it sounds lame, and it can be a pain in certain parts of my anatomy other than my ass, but anyways, this is my story. The movie you've seen, the comics you've read, forget them. They tend to stretch the truth a bit, if they ever tell the truth at all. This is the real story…

Chapter 1

John Constantine awoke suddenly to the ringing of his phone. He dragged himself out of bed and looked skeptically at the clock. 6:00 p.m. He sighed then picked up the phone.

"Yeah?" he asked groggily.

"Is this John Constantine?" The voice on the other side of the phone asked. John sighed heavily.

"Yeah. What do you need?"

"I am Akoko, a priestess at Mercy Church. A small boy in our congregation has been possessed by a demon and neither I nor any of the others possesses the skill to exorcise it."

"What's the address?" John asked warily.

"1910 Cherry."

"I'll be there." He hung up then looked to the ceiling. "What the hell does it take?" He questioned to his wall. The white plaster gave no answer.

-Somewhere else in the ever going city-

Pandora "Dagger" Jones sighed as her phone rang. She looked up at the drywall ceiling pissily.

"Can't a girl drink in peace?" She demanded. When her ceiling didn't answer (a/n man our characters like to talk to inanimate objects) she sighed, reached over, and hit the talk button. "Yeah?"

"Hey Dagger!" A chipper, very familiar voice said through the phone.

"What the hell do you need this time Ace?"

"The usual. Demon exorcism"

"Fine but you owe me."

"How much?"

"A bottle of tequila."

"Done! Just get down here." She said about to hang up the phone.

"Yo, Ace, I need the address first."  
"Oh yeah…1910 Cherry."

"Dammit. Ace, you're a priestess. What does God have against me?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, nothing. Just bad memories."

"Oh." The word was simple, but heavy in its meaning.

"I'll be there in five" Dagger hung up without saying good-bye.

-Sometime in the not so distant past-

Dagger sobbed quietly in the small confessional. She stopped suddenly, and looked out the window. She felt an overwhelming urge to break the simple pane of glass. She struck out suddenly, breaking the window. The glass fell to the floor. Dagger reached over, grabbing a broken piece of glass, studying it in the light. Then, in one swift motion, she slit her wrists.

Time slowed, and suddenly she saw hell. After what seemed like an eternity, she came back to Earth. A man stood swearing at her as he carried her from the small confessional.

"Dammit! Are you a total moron? Or are you just bent on going to hell?" The man demanded. He carried her out to the reception area then set her down and applied pressure to her already bandaged wounds. She passed out not much later.

-End of the flash of the back-

Dagger shook herself out of the memory. She could never remember the face of the man who had saved her, but she could remember his voice as if he had just spoken to her the day before. She sighed as she turned to leave the apartment. Dagger looked down at her arms to see the fresh scars. She shook herself one last time before she left.

John glared as he entered the church. He hated churches, always had. After all, what had they ever done for him?

'I really have to quit thinking like that.' He thought to himself. 'It certainly won't help to get me into heaven.' He was shaken out of his thinking by a petite woman about his age. She was wearing a leather duster, black cotton pants, and a plain black shirt. Her short hair had been dyed black with red tips, her skin a pale white.

"I need to see Ace.""I need to see Akoko." They announced at the same time.

The girl spun around to look at him. "Need to see Ace huh? Sorry, first come, first serve."

Akoko heard voices in the foyer and came out to greet her two guests. "Dagger, Mr. Constantine, thank you both for coming. If you'll just follow me…" She motioned to the hallway.She began walking, making sure to stay ahead of both John and Dagger. Dagger caught up with Akoko.

"Please, oh please, tell me you don't expect me to work with him." Dagger pleaded.

"Fine, I won't tell you." Akoko answered with a smirk.

"Dammit Ace! You know I don't play well with others."

"Too bad." John said, unable to resist putting in his two cents. Dagger turned to glare at him, then smirked.

"So you're the big and bad Constantine. I've heard of you of course, but I'd expected you to be a bit more, I dunno, impressive."

"You'll just have to make do. Besides, there's more to me then meets the eye." Dagger just couldn't help herself, she let out with a derisive snort.

"Where have I heard that line before?" Akoko, unable to take much more of this mindless bantering, whirled around.

"Knock it off, both of you! A small boy is inside this room, in grave danger of dying, and you two are out here fighting like an old married couple! Now behave yourselves or I will make you." Dagger took an extra step towards Akoko.

"C'mon Ace! Let me do this."

"I don't trust you!" Akoko snapped. "Last time I let you take on a demon by yourself, you showed up so drunk you accidentally helped the demon get out, then tried to kill it with your bare hands!"

"You what?" John asked, hoping to god that his ears were deceiving him. Dagger continued arguing as if John hadn't spoken.

"Is it my fault you called me at three o' fucking clock in the morning? I had to wake up somehow!"

"It's called coffee!"

"Fuck you!" Dagger promptly punched Akoko and walked past her, pushing open the doors to the small room. John stepped over Akoko gingerly; as if afraid he would hurt her worse. He pushed open the doors then crossed the dark room towards the bed. He instantly recognized the demon.

"It's a-"

"Soldier demon." Dagger said, cutting him off.

John thought over his options and decided to go with the easiest, a mirror. "I'll need a mirror about-" He stopped, pausing to watch Dagger drag in a mirror about 4x3.

"Is this big enough?" She asked in a smart aleck tone.

"Can you actually hold that?" He asked as he climbed onto the bed, more than a little worried that she'd drop the mirror on him.

"No prob." She hefted the mirror onto her shoulders, stalked across the room, and stood behind him.

"Close your eyes." He commanded moodily.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Dagger muttered, but did as she was told.

Without thinking John said, "Keep them closed, I don't want to have to save your ass again."

"WHAT?!" Daggers eyes shot open. She jumped off the bed, dropping the mirror on his back before she ran off. John grimaced as he became pinned between the demon and the frame of the mirror.

"Akoko! Help!" He yelled, cursing himself for his stupidity.

-Three Hours later-

Dagger yanked open the door to her apartment, slamming it after her roommate, Shenron, came in. A demon with a black and white swishing dog tail, and ears strolled into the kitchen, removing two bottles of tequila from the fridge. She tossed Dagger a bottle as the pair slumped onto the living room couch. Dagger took a swig then began talking.

"I met the damndest man today."

"What's his name?" the demon asked, slightly worried. She quickly began praying. 'Please not John Constantine, please not John Constantine, Please not-'

"John Constantine. He gives a whole new meaning to the word asshole!" She continued talking but the demon wasn't really paying attention. She was focusing, instead, on possible ways to get Dagger drunk before she put the name with the face and the voice.

-8 hours and seven six packs later-

Kia, Dagger's friend and landlord was listening to a drunk Dagger describe Constantine. "He's about your height." She said, pointing at the demon, who still had yet to leave. "He has brown hair and he wears a suit." She paused looking for words. "He is an arrogant fuck." She announced.

"And he's right behind you." The demon said with a light air, hoping to dear god she didn't know who he was. John glared at the drunken woman before him.

"An 'arrogant fuck' am I? Is that why you dropped a mirror on me?" He demanded, continuing to rant at a, now, unconscious Dagger. "Or is it because you realized that exactly one year ago, in the same damn church, you slit your wrists and I saved you?"

He had bent down to pick up Dagger when the demon came at him out of nowhere, sending him flying into a wall. She reached over, grabbed him by the shoulders, and slammed him against the wall again.

"You dumb fuck." She hissed. "She doesn't know you saved her, and it's a damn good thing, too! She's wanted to kill the jackass who brought her back to life for the longest time. She came home today and told me about you and I just knew it was you back there in that church. I'd remembered you of course. I was there; I could have saved her, but no! You had to hit me; you had to make me go away! You had to save her just so that you could take all the 'glory and honor'."

John's eyes opened wide with recognition and understanding. He opened his mouth to speak but Shenron kept ranting.

"I wouldn't have been hated! She would have understood me, but you! I knew she wouldn't understand, and she didn't! In her mind you had taken the one thing she'd thought she'd had control over-death." Through the last part of the rant, Shenron had been slamming him into the wall repeatedly. She'd broken two ribs and effectively bloodied up the back of his head. John finally passed out from the pain, falling in a crumpled heap on the floor. Shenron immediately knelt down, healing the wounds with magic, despite her claims that he wasn't worth the effort. She stood up and continued her verbal assault on the unconscious man. "I should drown your sorry ass!"

Kia, forgotten until then, came up behind the pair.

"Why don't we?"

She grabbed his wrist and began dragging him into the bathroom, filling the tub with water. When the antique bathtub was full, Shenron pushed John under, while Kia carried Dagger into the other room. John awoke quickly, and, upon noticing he was underwater, began struggling. He stopped to look up at his "captor", and suddenly noticed that she had a pair of pointed ears atop her head. (A/n dog-ears, for all of you out there who won't pick that up.) He tried to look at the hand that held him down. It was furred and clawed. John shook himself and continued struggling, believing it to be his only possible chance of survival. That is, until he saw Dagger crawling across the floor with a hammer. He saw her swing it upwards, heard the 'thunk' as it connected with the bathtub, but was still surprised when it broke and he discovered he could breathe again. He took a quick look around him and saw shattered pieces of porcelain and puddles of water. Kia rushed in and began sobbing hysterically.

"My bathtub!" She cried.

Dagger glared at Kia, then took a deep breath and stood up cautiously. She took a few seconds to steady herself, then motioned to John to follow her. He got up and left, deciding anything Dagger had to say would be better then watching Kia sob and Shenron glare. The two entered the bedroom next door and Dagger closed the door behind them. Neither spoke for the longest time. Finally John spoke.

"What's with the homicidal werewolf?"

"She's not a werewolf!" Dagger snapped.

"No? Then what is she?"

"She's...complicated." She said, managing to avoid answering the question. They looked at each other, the tension in the room thick enough to cut with a knife.

"Why did you drop the mirror on me?" John blurted out suddenly.

"I…" Dagger broke off, leaving the sentence unfinished. John spoke up, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Is it because I-"

Dagger cut him off by dropping the hammer on his foot. "Who had to save who, asshole?" She questioned before stalking off, slamming the door behind her.

Well, waddya think? Good, bad, dog slobber?  
Oh! About the scene with the tub, with some antique bathtubs, if you hit them in just the right place, they'll break. Shenron is a demon for those of you who are wondering. Okay, done explaining, r and r. (flame, don't flame, I dun really care.)


	2. Wakeup call

Disclaimer: Shenron-puppy and Dagger-kitty pull out gold coins on strings and begin hypnotizing lawyers  
this isn't the fic you're looking for  
Lawyers in mindless tone-this isn't the fic we're looking for.  
Shenron-puppy and Dagger-kitty-everything is perfectly legal.  
Lawyers-everything is perfectly legal  
Dagger-kitty-I own John Constantine  
Lawyers snap out of it-THE HELL YOU DO!  
Dagger-kitty' s ears droop-damn, okay fine, I own nothing, happy?  
lawyers-very.

Chapter 2  
John winced as the hammer connected with his foot, barely noticing Dagger's absence. He waited for a moment, making sure nothing was broken, before he turned to leave. He had almost crossed the room when the door opened and Shenron entered, forcing him to move backwards.  
He felt the stiff wall behind him as Shenron grabbed his shoulders, presumably to hit him some more. She pinned him to the wall, his feet dangling inches off the ground.  
"If you ever even think about hurting my friend again, I will beat you until you are deader then the proverbial doornail and neither hell nor high water will stop me." She hissed in a low tone.  
John brought his face close to hers.  
"I wouldn't make threats you can't back up, demon, lest you give me a reason to deport your sorry ass."  
Shenron released him as she backed up, an impish grin on her face.  
"It's not a threat if you intend to carry it out, Constantine, it's a promise. And if I were you, I wouldn't make threats you can't back up."  
With those words of "infinite wisdom" she promptly turned on her heel and left, only to be replaced by Kia.  
"You broke my bathtub!" She screamed at him.  
John sighed heavily, rubbing his temples in an attempt to ward off the inevitable migraine.  
"Technically it was your little friend Dagger."  
"She broke my bathtub to save your pathetic life. So therefore I think it only fair that you pay to repair it."  
"How much?" He asked, referring to the cost of the repairs.  
"16,000." She quoted, like it was a small number.  
"Lady, I've had a mirror dropped on my back, been slammed into five walls, broken two ribs, received three concussions, almost been drowned, and had a hammer dropped on my foot. Fuck you!" John said, making the appropriate hand signal to go with what he'd just said.  
Kia grabbed John's shoulders and slammed him against another wall.  
"Six walls." He gasped as he felt the wind rush out of his lungs.  
"That bathtub is an irreplaceable antiquity!" She screeched.  
"What' s so special about it?" He gasped again, still incapable of breathing, and unable to believe he was having this conversation, let alone that he had to pay for the damn tub.  
"It was a gift from Nicholas II."  
"Great," He muttered, "Just great. Please tell me it was a gift to your grandmother." "Honey, my grandmother was born when Feodor I was a kid"  
John came up with some very inventive curses after that bit.  
"Look," He half said, half sighed, "I'll pay for the tub if I get-"  
Kia dropped him abruptly and pushed the item he'd wanted into his hands before he'd even gotten the words out.  
"A key." He finished in amazement.  
"Now, on the issue of my money..."  
John looked at her irritably.  
"I don't have it."  
"Get it."  
"How?"  
Kia paused for a moment, looking for a possible solution. She came up with an answer quickly.  
"Are you a gambling man, Mr. Constantine?"  
"Only with my life, never with my money." He replied.  
Kia shook her head.  
"Damn shame."  
"Why?" John asked, slightly confused.  
"Dagger's discovered that if she wears the right combo of jewelry, she can cheat at damn near anything and get away with it. That's my advice, really. Take Dagger gambling." "How?" John asked again, feeling a little redundant. "She hates me, and she doesn't even know why."  
"I know, you know, Shenron knows, and deep, deep down, Dagger knows, too. She just doesn't want to remember. Now go home, John. Get some sleep."  
She slapped him on the back, never noticing the grimace that crossed his face when she did so.  
John pocketed the key and limped his way out of the room and past the unconscious bodies of Shenron and Dagger.  
As he walked by, he couldn't help himself.  
"Goodnight demon. Goodnight..." He trailed off, looking for an insult that he could pass off as a term of endearment. He smiled suddenly.  
"Goodnight my little hell cat"  
As turned to leave he heard, "Goodnight Jackass." He smiled as he left, locking the door behind him, and heading to his apartment to, hopefully, get some sleep.

Noon the next day  
John was still sleeping peacefully in his cozy bed when he got the odd sensation that he was slipping off the frame. He opened his eyes just before his back came in contact with the hardwood floor.  
'Thunk.'  
"Ow!" John yelped, fully awake and ready to kill someone.  
He looked upward and caught sight of Shenron as she dragged him across the floor.  
"Shenron?"  
"The one and only." She replied off handedly as she pulled him to his feet.  
He looked around and noticed he was in the bathroom. In one swift motion, Shenron removed his clothes.  
"Now into the shower with ye, ye filthy thing!" She shouted as she threw him into the tub. He cried out as he landed on the porcelain. He righted himself then turned on the water. Just as he was beginning to enjoy the feel of the warm water beating on his back, Shenron poked her head in.  
"Do you ever wear anything other than suits?"  
"Not usually." John confessed.  
Shenron made a sound of disgust before closing the door.  
John shook his head, sighed, then looked up at the ceiling and whispered, "Get rid of Dagger, Shenron, and Kia and I swear I'll-"  
Shenron interrupted his prayer by sticking her head in the steamy bathroom.  
"Are you talking to yourself? Cause that really doesn't say much for your mental health." She informed him while she inspected the clawed foot bathtub. John considered telling her where to go, but thought better of it and settled for moving the curtain aside and flipping her off.  
Shenron grinned lecherously and responded, "When, where, and how hard?"  
John shuddered as he moved the curtain back into place. He bathed for a couple more minutes, then turned off the shower and slipped out, coming face to face with Shenron. She thrust a towel at him and marched out of the room, John trailing along behind her. His jaw dropped at the state of his room. Suits lay everywhere, tossed in random directions.  
Shenron disgustedly held out the one remaining suit and said, "We have to take you shopping."  
"Oh my God, you are the fashion police!" John choked out, laughing.  
Shenron made an attempt to scowl but smiled instead.  
"C'mon, get dressed already! I don' t want your girlfriend, Dagger, (a/n a bit of sarcasm from Shenron for those of you who couldn't tell. Dagger's not really dating John.) thinking I molested you or something"  
"What?"  
Shenron laughed at the look on his face. Soon she'd fallen to the floor, tears of mirth pouring from her eyes. John was on the verge of beating the laughter out of Shenron when he heard his front door open. He stepped over a, now silent, Shenron, and crossed the apartment to the front door, slamming face first into Kia. John growled, frustrated with the two demons in his apartment.  
"Ever heard of knocking?" He snapped angrily. Shenron picked herself up from the floor, prepared to keep John from deporting her friend if need be. Kia's eyes sparkled as she assessed him quietly.  
"I'm sorry, but it's not my fault that you can't even get Shenron to fuck you." She said, completely off topic. The comment had the desired effect though. John grabbed a small vial of holy water off the counter and was preparing to throw it at her when Shenron grabbed his wrist, dragging him back into the bedroom.  
"You are going to get dressed. After that we are going shopping for suitable clothes. And finally, ARE YOU TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY BLIND? SHE WANTED YOU TO DO THAT SO SHE COULD KILL YOU! YOU-YOU-YOU IDGIT!" She shouted the last part.  
'Idgit?' John thought. He would have laughed if he wasn't so certain Shenron would kill him. The afore mentioned demon marched from the room, slamming the door shut behind her.  
John glared at the closed door and was preparing to dress when he heard Shenron ask about Dagger.  
"Yo, Kia, where' s Dagger? I thought she was supposed to come with you."  
"Naw, she said something about needing to sleep. She also said if we need her we can find her at Papa Midnights around 6."  
About this time, John tuned out the conversation, focusing on getting dressed. He emerged fifteen minutes later, fully clothed, but still pissed. Shenron shook her head in disgust at the sight of the suit.  
"You. Car. Now." She commanded, pointing stiff-armed towards the front door. John glared, but crossed the room and exited the small apartment. Shenron untangled herself and moved to follow the pissy psychic. She turned to Kia, giving her a serious look.  
"No theft, larsony, arson, or destruction of property, unless you' re positive you can get away with it."  
Kia nodded, assuring Shenron she wouldn't do anything "Unlawful, illegal, or otherwise, immoral." Shenron gave a small chuckle as she left,certain something would be missing when she returned. As soon as Kia was sure everyone was gone, she went to a nearby cupboard and removed a small black duffle bag. She carried it to the bathroom and, upon entering, kneeled down and removed the item inside. Minutes later, the sound of a chainsaw filled the small residence.

So, good, bad, horse shit? R and R please.


	3. Papa's place and John's feelings

Shenron-puppy: Yoha peoples! Dagger is busy, so I get to post the next two chapters and write the next one as well, this one was mostly Dagger though...

Dagger-kitty: at least I got it to you.

Shenron-puppy: ya, after two whole months! Anyway! As for the chapters after that, who knows.

Dagger-kitty: I have an idea! Why don't we... .: looks over at Shenron :.

Shenron-puppy: .: spinning in chair making weird noises :.

Dagger-kitty: perfect, Shenron has lost her mind again, this shall be interesting.

Shenron-puppy: Bark! Anyway, I shall make this peice of paper do the disclaimer!

Piece of paper: I don't see why I have to do the disclaimer, but, I'll do it. We do not own constantine or any of its charactors.

Shenron-puppy: MAHAHA! I WIN! Now, ON WITH THE FIC! mahaha!

Chapter 3

The door to John's apartment slammed open, revealing a pissed off demon, and a bored psychic.

"Thats it! I give up! HE CAN'T BE TAUGHT!" Shenron screamed at the top of her lungs. She walked into Johns kitchen, followed by the psychic himself. He wasn't paying much attention though, instead he was thinking back to his, "adventure" for the past three hours.

-Four hours earlier-

"How about this?" Shenron asked holding up some article of clothing.

"No." John replied from his chair.

"This?" She asked holding up a different one.

"No."

"This?"

"No."

-Two hours later-

"This?" Shenron asked desperately.

"No." John said sleepily, his eyes closed, not even looking at what Shenron had pulled out.

"You're not even looking!" She yelled John.

"You're surprisingly right, I'm not." He said, looking at her with one eye. He closed it again, shaking his head. To his surprise, he was thinking about Dagger. He barely even knew her, yet he felt drawn to her, like moth to a flame... a really, really, deadly flame. His constant thoughts about Dagger almost scared him. Shenron chuckled at the look on his face and put her hands on her hips.

"You thinking about what I think your thinking about?" Shenron asked, still chuckling a little.

"What would that be?" John said, not very amused.

"Dagger... and how you're in love with her."

"Dagger, yes. Love, no." John said discustedly.

"Really? Well then, let me spell it out for you. You-love-her." She said, saying every silible with exaggeration in the last sentence.

"How would you know?" John said, a little intreaged at how much she knew.

"I'm a dog; I know a thing or two about humans' emotions."

"Uh-huh." John said, nodding his head once.

Shenron dropped the clothes she was holding and grabbed the back of the collar of his shirt. She dragged him out of the store, having everyone in the mall staring at them. "We'll dicuss this over really big cups of coffee."

-End flashback-

The dazed look on John's face disappeared, only to be replaced by one of determination. He looked around his kitchen and spotted Kia in her usual green long sleeved shirt and black skirt. Her black hair was pulled back into a somewhat messy ponytail. A sporting smirk was displayed on her face. He stalked over to her.

"Where's Dagger?" John asked.

"Papa Midnight's place. Why?" Kia asked, feigning confusion.

John gave her no answer, instead he left the apartment just as quickly as he'd entered.

"You must have had an interesting conversation with John about his love for Dagger, no?" Kia asked looking over at the demon that had just taken a seat across from her at John's kitchen table.

-two hours earlier-

Shenron dragged John all the way to the food court. She walked up to a coffee shop and waved at the person running the place. He was John's height with a black shirt and pants, and an apron on. His hair was blue, messy, and unkept.

"Yo, Rio. How've you been?" Shenron asked, letting go of John, and leaned against the counter.

"Shenron! Its been, what? Four weeks since you've been here!" Rio said walking over to the counter. He looked over at John, then back at Shenron with a confused look. "Who's he?"

"Just a human I have the unfortunate pleasure of having to know." Shenron said, annoyance in her voice.

"Too bad for you." Rio said, chuckling at Shenron's dismay.

"You know I can hear both of you." John said, getting really pissed off that he had to stand and listen to them make fun of him.

"I know. I just like to torture you." Shenron said turning to look at him.

"Really? I hadn't noticed." John sarcastically put in. Shenron just turned her head back to Rio and waved her hand as if she was done with him.

"So, what'll it be?" Rio asked.

"One coffee, and one "Mocha." Shenron said.

"Of course, coming right up." Rio turned and started making there order. John just stood there confused as to what Shenron was actually ordering. After a few minutes, two cups were placed infront of Shenron. She payed Rio, said good-bye to him and sat down at one of the tables.

"So, who was he?" John asked, intrigued at how Shenron could know such a charactor. She stared at him with her forest green eyes, one of them twitching from agitation.

"We're here to talk about you and Dagger, Mr. Constantine. Not my love life." John let the subject drop before it even began. Shenron took a sip of her "Mocha" and looked at John with an undieing intrigue. "Now Mr. Constantine, I will ask you this, and you must answer truthfully. Do you, or do you not, love Dagger?"

John sat there, staring at his coffee, wishing that Shenron would quit staring at him as though she were a police officer and he had just been accused of murdering her friend. Finally John answered, "I think I might."

"Thats a good start." Shenron said relaxing a little and bringing her knee up and resting it against the table. "And this is going to take a lot of cups of coffee."

-End flashback-

"You could say that."Shenron said, shrugging her shoulders. "How did you know we talked?"

"Well for one thing, I didn't get a 'what the hell are you still doing here?' Also the look on his face, and the fact that he never even noticed that I'd declawed his bathtub with a chainsaw." Kia said as if it were nothing. Shenron got up, knowing that Kia was telling the truth. She looked into the bathroom and immediately stared laughing at what John had not noticed. His previously clawed bathtub was now an ordinary, if not oddly placed, tub. She shook her head, still laughing. Kia grinned like a Cheshire cat and removed a pack of cards from the duffel bag at her feet.

"Poker?" Kia asked bringing the cards out of the box and shuffling them.

The two settled down to a game, even though niether of them was paying much attention, the game was just to get rid of time. They were also worried about John. After all, Dagger didn't exactly deal with others emotions well.

-Papa Midnights-

Dagger settled down at the bar, immediately ordering a gin and tonic. She recieved her drink and had barely had a chance to even sip at the alcoholic beverage, when a half demon came towards her.

"I don't believe we've met. I'm Balthazar." the half demon answered in a suave tone. Dagger looked at him, then looked back at her drink. She sighed, and looked back at Balthazar just before she threw the drink at him. She gave him an evil little grin.

"Gin and tonic," she informed him just before waltzing off into the darkness of the bar. Balthazar growled, but refrained from killing her. He walked to the back rooms of the bar, where Papa Midnight himself sat, watching the whole thing. Balthazar stared him in the eye, Papa's eyes were humerous.

"I'm surprised you didn't kill her for rejecting you." he said, showing Balthazar a seat. Balthazar didn't move, he just stood there with the same uncaring, angry look on his face.

"I couldn't." Balthazar snapped.

"Awww, are you developing a concious?"

"Not fuckin likely. That was Shenron and Kiashi's human. My ass would be grass if I even tried to kill her." Balthazar said angrily.

Midnight's eyes opened wide with surprise the more he thought of the facts racing through his mind. _There are two full demons on Earth that are to stay as long as 1) there human was alive and 2) they did not kill unless told to do so by a higher being. These two demons are a wolf demon named Shenron and a vampire named Kiashi. They came to Earth because they were supposed to take this human girl's soul, but she accidentally dragged them into this plane when she was revived. They'd served as her protecters, friends, and I believe I heard that one of them is her landlord. If I am correct, she gets killed in my bar, they can do whatever they want to it, and anyone in it. _He thought, making sure that all his facts are straight. He went over them one more time, then looked back up to Balthazar.

"Where is she now?" He asked in a slightly scared voice.

"Somewhere." Balthazar said, not particularly interested in the subject of the petite psychic.

"She can take care of herself." said a particularly dark voice. Both of the men turned to find two outlines standing in the doorway. One of them walked forward, showing herself to be a woman in a black tank top, with black pants that had purple clothe covering parts of it. Her hair was dark green and had silver streaks in it. Her forest green eyes were cold, but humarous at the same time.

"I'm not so sure. There are lots of halflings out there who would love to kill her...and I happen to be one of them." Balthazar mentioned.

"You're so kind," the figure said, walking up into the light. She was wearing a green long sleeve shirt and a black skirt that came to the middle of her thighs. She had a pierced lip and eyebrow and had one fang draped idoly out of her mouth on her lip. Midnight gave a shudder at the sight of Kiashi's fang out of instinct. "but it won't be our human who ends up dead tonight."

Balthazar sneered but held back from trying to physically harming them. The two walked out of the room and went into the loud bar. They ordered there drinks, rum and a strawberry daiquiri, and sat at the table nearest to a corner. They watched the hands on the clock, waiting for the sound of shots to ring out in the nearby alleyway.

Line

Dagger left the bar, going to the alleyway outside for a quick smoke. Instead, just after exiting the crowded club and entering the alleyway, she found herself in a half cirlce of halflings. One of them stepped forward, obviouly she was the leader.

"Mariam. How awful to see you again." Dagger said, hoping to piss off the 6' 3" hispanic half-bat demon.

"Still sarcastic as ever, aren't ya you stupid whore." Mariam said, slowly coming closer and closer to Dagger.

"Hey at least I sell what you give away."

Miriam growled out a word that sounded like Bitch.

"I have to try at it, but it comes naturally to you." Dagger replied with a smirk. Mariam stopped, just a few feet in front of Dagger.

"You stupid human. Shut up and listne to me, you are going to die, and we are going to be the ones that assist with that death."

"Really?"

"You got it bitch." With those words Mariam nodded to the others who moved towards Dagger. Instead of panicking, Dagger merely grabbed the guns hidded in her waistband.

"Fun." Dagger instantly stared shooting, watching with humor as, one by one, the half demons died. After all the halflings except Mariam were gone or dead, Dagger looked at Mariam, one gun pointing at her. "Run Mariam, run."

Apparently the hispanic demon didn't have to be told twice as, evidently, she took off like a bat out of hell(a/n no pun intended.) Just as Dagger put the guns back into their holsters and turned to go, she heard a voice in the shawdows.

"Are you always this reckless? Or was that just a one-time deal?"

"John." Dagger acknowledged, obviouly annoyed. "Why are you here?"

"I needed to talk to you." was John's simple reply as he stepped into her path.

"You talked, I listened, now get the hell out of my way, I am not in the mood."

"No." John replied, his voice so quiet Dagger almost didn't hear him.

"Move!" Dagger yelled, hoping to frighten him into moving. Instead, John grabbed Dagger's shoulders and pinned her against the brick wall.

"Dagger-" John was interupted.

"I said MOVE!" She shoved him off of her and pounced. She started beating him with her fists, one after the other, right in his face. The physical assult continued for a few minutes until Dagger finally got up off of him. She kicked him in the side, knocking the air out of him. She got up and left, hoping to drown her confusion and sorrow in a glass of tequila. John gasped for breathe, holding his stomache. He looked up and saw Daggers retreating form. He closed his eyes and fell back to the asphalt, still trying to catch his breathe.

"Damn." He muttered as he got back up, wincing. John turned towards the door of Papa Midnights, and as he went in, he repeated the word. "Damn."

He walked over to the counter of the bar and ordered a shot glass of whiskey. The whiskey came, he drank it, and ordered another. Balthazar decided he was going to grace John with his presence and walked up to the beaten Constantine. John saw the halfling and sighed deeply.

"I was hoping you were an illusion." John said. Balthazar didn't even acknowledge the comment.

"You look wonderful John, you know black and blue really is your color."

"Shut up will you?" John said more as a statement than a question.

"Sorry, but no."

"Then burn in hell."

"I do, it does wonders to my skin, no more premature wrinkles." John thought for a moment then rubbed his head. Balthazar started laughing. "Your wit is failing you, John."

Balthazar started laughing when he noticed that a pair of slender arms had wrapped themselves around John's neck.

"You aren't tormenting poor John now, are you?" Even in his half-drunken state, John recognized Dagger's voice.

"And if I am?" Balthazar asked a little nervously.

"It'd suck to be you." Shenron told him from the darkness behind him. Balthazar jumped, his chair clattering to the floor. Kia appeared out of the darkness and helped Dagger drag the unconcious body of John out of the bar.

"Take him Kia, I'm gonna go kick some demon ass." Dagger said walking back into the bar. Kia just nodded and dragged him to a large black truck. Dagger marched inside the bar and noticed that Shenron had the halfling by the front of his throat. She let go though as soon as she saw Dagger, and moved aside. Dagger got up into Balthazars face, pissed as hell. "If you ever torment John like that again, I will kill you. I'll deport your sorry ass back to hell where it belongs."

Balthazar shook his head. "Why? You love him or something?"

Dagger gave the halfling a quick upper cut, then turned and flounced out, Shenron following behind.

"Lets go home."

Shenron-puppy: I'm FINALLY DONE! MAHAHA!

Dagger-kitty: Yup, now I hope you enjoyed that chapter, and don't worry, the next one won't take as long.

Shenron-puppy: Yup, so bye for now.

Dagger-kitty: Yup, see ya.

Shenron-puppy: Androids are weird.


	4. Conversations with psychics

Shenron-puppy: Yoha peoples, sorry if this is a little different, but I FINALLY get to write a chapter, MAHAHA! Anyways, theres not a Dagger in sight, and I get to write this chapter, WEE! Anyway again, MAHAHA!

Dagger-kitty: Shenron-puppy, just get on with it, and your starting to scare me, did you forget to take your medication?

Shenron-puppy: NOOOOOOOOO! Daggers back!

Dagger-Kitty: -.-; whats that supposed to mean!

Shenron-puppy: I mean, its so nice to have Dagger here with me, its a pleasure and a great honor that I don't...need...have...deserve...want...

Dagger-kitty: what was that last one!

Shenron-puppy: tant, ya tant, its, uh, hebrew, ya, thats it, its hebrew! It means appretiate!

Dagger-kitty: Ok then.

Shenron-puppy: Oh ya, and the disclaimer is I don't own a damn thing, but Dagger does, she owns me, and sometimes, I get very scared of that factor...

Dagger-kitty: Thats a good thing Shenron.

Shenron-puppy: .: mutters under breathe :. sure it is...

Dagger-kitty: what was that!

Shenron-puppy: Uh, ON WITH THE FIC! .: runs to computer as fast as possible :.

* * *

Chapter 4 

John awoke, his head was pounding and his back was aching. He could tell he was not in the bar anymore.

"Uggggg..." he moaned. He heard footsteps moving towards him and, rather than face the world, he rolled over.

"He's awake!" the owner of the voice called, which sounded alot like Shenron's the footsteps went away again, only to be replaced by anothers. He opened his eyes slowly, finding a red wall.

"Were the hell am I?" He asked no one in particular.

"Kia's place. We didn't want to drag you up the stairs." a voice replied. John immidiately recognized the owner of the voice.

"Dagger?"

"Well no fucking duh." she said sarcastically.

"Fuck you." John told her, not exactly in the mood for sarcasm.

"I've had better offers." she informed him. John heard her walk back out of the room, only to hear her return moments later. He turned his head and saw she had a glass of water in one hand and and a bottle of Tylenol in the other. "Take these, they'll make the little men behind your eyes go away."

She handed him two of the pills and the glass of water, and he took them gratefully. Five minutes later his dead didn't hurt anymore, and he was felling much better. Ah! The wonders of pain killers. He walked out of the room and ended up in what he figured was supposed to be the living room, but all that was there were two cusion chairs and red walls. _It fits that a thing that drinks red blood would be obsessed with the color red,_ John thought laughing on the inside. He also noticed that the psychotic demon wasn't there, and he silently thanked god. Unfortunately, the demon walked in right when he thought it, and he took it back, and cursed god instead.

As he was cursing this god, he got a great idea. He'd needed to talk to Dagger last night, otherwise he wouldn't have gone to Midnights place. He walked up to Shenron and pulled her aside.

"I need to talk to Dagger tonight, but she doesn't trust me enough to even let me talk to her in an alleyway full of dead halflings."

Shenron waited for him to say more, even though she really wasn't paying much attention. "So?"

"So, convience her that it's all right to come over to my place..." he stopped and thought about that for a second. _That might not be a good idea, Chaz is supposed to come over._ John thought. "Actually, have her meet me at Papa Midnights place at midnight." He looked to see if Shenron was convinced, she didn't look the part. "I swear, I won't try anything."

"Fine." Shenron said defeatedly, sighing as she walked toward the kitchen. She pushed Dagger into a kitchen chair, and leaned against the table, her hair falling losely over her shoulders, Dagger pulled her hair out of her eyes. "John wants you to go to Papa Midnights to "talk." He promised me that if he tried anything, you can hit him."

Dagger grinned slowly. "Okay, tell me what time, I'll be there, as long as it isn't too soon, I have stuff to do."

Shenron's jaw dropped. "You're givin in that easily!"

"Think of this: he doesn't keep his word. Now, I'm in a bar, with a whole assortment of weapons at my disposal." It was Shenron's turn to grin. Shenron walked back into the living room, still grinning. John saw her, and knew that he was making a mistake.

"She'll be there l'homme humain diabolique, but I suggest to you that you get drunk, it's whats best for you." Shenron said slapping John on the back. He was about to ask Shenron what homme diabolique ment and what language it was, but thought better of it. He walked away from the weird, psychotic bitch and the vamp, over to the door. Dagger was standing by the door, a tequila in her hand.

"Be at Midnight's by midnight," John said looking her straight in the eyes. "And thank you."

Dagger looked away, "I'll, uh, I'll be there." Dagger walked back into the kitchen, and John walked out the door.

"What did you call him, Shenron?" Kia asked, interested.

"Thats not really important, the important thing is that Dagger gave in." Shenron said, avoiding the subject. "She claims its just so she can hurt him, but you know the real reason, right?"

"She wants to hear him out."

-Twelve hours later-

John was just about to give up on Dagger, he was sitting on a stool in Papa's place, and it was 12:35 at night, with no sign of Dagger. In a sudden burst of energy the door slammed open and Dagger waltzed in, and walked over to John. She sat on the empty stool next to him.

"Sorry I'm late, I had things to do." Dagger explained.

"Whiskey?" John asked.

"Sure," she said. John called the tender and got Dagger a drink. She took a swig and thank god, and strangly Constantine, for alcohol. "So, now that I've had alcohol, and the pissy half-demons outside have left, you wanted to talk?"

"Yes. I-"

"Wait, if this is about gushing over how much you love me, I think I'll pass."

"I don't 'gush' as you put it."

"Right," Dagger sounded unconvinced. She grabbed the bottle and tipped her head back, the bottle glued to her mouth. After a while, she slammed the empty bottle onto the table. She started to feel wossy all of a sudden, and started running for the alley door, John following behind. She slammed the door in his face. John grinned and shook his head.

He opened the door to find that it was raining. Dagger was standing in the rain, sobering herself. She finally walked back into Papa's place, soaked to the bone. She walked to the back rooms, knowing the place like her own apartment. John was following behind like a little stray. SHe got into one of the rooms and opened one of the dressers, getting an outfit out of it. It looked slutty, but it was dry, she wasn't complaining, much.

-At John's apartment-

The door to John's apartment slammed open, a vampire and a dog demon standing in the door way. The dog demon was pure white, with dog ears and that had black tips to match. She also had claws where her finger nails should have been, and paws instead of feet. Her hair was green with silver streaks. They walked into the apartment, the demon wringing out her hair.

"Damn it to fucking hell!" Shenron yelled turning to Kia. "I swear, if I ever find the one who made the rule that I change in water, I am going to kill them."

Chaz had walked up to the door while Shenron was talking, and stopped. He peeked around the corner and found the two demons in John's apartment. He drew out the gun that was in his pocket, and stared at the two demons, waiting for the right time.

"Why? Why did it have to be me?" Shenron yelled, shaking out the water.

"Cause I'm always in demon mode, what are you complaining about?" Kai said, dripping wet, and not really paying attention to that factor.

"You can pass yourslef as human when its raining, I can only do that when its not raining or I'm not wet!" Shenron yelled at her, walking over to John's bedroom.

"Damn." Chaz said. Shenron and Kia stopped in there tracks and they turned to the door. Chaz realized what he had done, and covered his mouth with his left hand, the gun in the other. SHenron looked to Kia quickly then back to the door.

"Who's there?" Shenron yelled at the door. Chaz quickly jumped into the doorway, and shot Shenron square in the head, causing her to fall to the floor, blood pouring out her wound. He grinnind, pointing the gun at the other demon. Kia put her hands in the air, and started backing away, almost tripping over Shenron. Kia put on a scared little smile, then disappeared. Chaz looked around, searching for the disappeared demon, but couldn't see her anywhere, so he walked over to his kill instead. He looked down at the demon, about to put his gun away, when he saw that the blood that used to be there had vanished.

He pointed the gun at the demon, ready to fight it, but all it did, was sigh and roll over.

-Dagger's apartment-

Kia ran into the door, and slammed it shut. Dagger was pacing back and forth in her living room, pissed. Kia walked toward her, then looked back to the door, fearing it might come open. She walked up to Dagger and tapped her shoulder.

"Um, Dagger-" Kia was interupted.

"I can't BELIEVE him! I mean, just because he thinks he loves me, he thinks he has the right!" Dagger fumed at Kia.

"What are you talking about," Kia asked, confused and forgetting about Shenron.

"HE KISSED ME! THE BASTARD KISSED ME!" Dagger fumed throwing her arms wide, then crossing them in front of her chest, pacing again.

"Um, who, exactly, are we talking about?" Kia asked confusedly

"The infamous John Constantine." Dagger said disgustedly. Kia burst out laughing, so what did Dagger do, she kicked Kia out of her apartment. Kia shook her head, still laughing alittle, and walked to her apartment.

-Some dark basement-

Shenron woke up, finding a very dark, and damp, and smelly, basement.

"EEEEEeeewwwww!" Shenron said. She tried to cover her nose, but her hands were tied behind her back with steel chains that were charmed so a demon couldn't break them. "Hey, it might not smell to whoever is down here, but I am part dog, and I could really use an air freshener ...anyone?"

"Shut up demon." a voice shouted. A light came on and Chaz was sitting in a chair a few feet from Shenron. He was staring straight into her eyes, anger in them.

"You know, you should go to Fiji. The women might be canibles, but man, you can really relax there on the beaches. I went there once, really got rid of the tension right between my shoulder blades. You couldn't imagine how tense I was just by taking souls down to hell. But I did have some good-" Chaz put his hand over her mouth, shutting her up.

"You talk to much, but I could use that to my advantage." Chaz thought out loud. "I will ask you any question I want, and your going to answer."

"Fine, its not like I'm going anywhere anyway," Shenron sighed.

"Alright, why were you in John's apartment?"

"Simple, I knew that Dagger was going to hurt John tonight, and Dagger's feelings were going to get wounded, so I went to his apartment to get the age old medicine, Alcohol."

"Who is Dagger?"

"Just a HUMAN girl that your mentor has the hots for."

"What?" Chaz started laughing, but he regained his seriousness after remembering that he was dealing with a demon. He cleared his throat. "Next question, how did you get in?"

"Lock pick master of the underworld at your service mesime'. There isn't a lock in this world that I can't pick."

"Nice to know."

"Sorry to interupt this exciting game of twenty fuckin questions, but may I ask a question to my not so humble or polite host?"

"You just did."

"Fine, can I ask two more questions?"

"Whatever."

"Are you a psychic?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Okay, thats all I need for now. Please continue this very interesting game of twenty boring ass fucking questions."

"Next question, what are you?" Chaz asked, finally changing his look from anger to confusion.

"That is the stupidest question I have ever been made to answer!" Shenron yelled. "Well, let me think, huh, I have dog ears on my head, a tail growing out of my ass, paws for feet, claws on my hands, oh, and my skin is an abonormal fucking shade. I am pretty sure I am a dog demon, and you call me a halfy, I am going to kill you were you sta...sit. I am pure, I am full, I am the elite of all the demons on this earth, I am a full fledged demon, you L'espèce d'âne bâtard essuye Américain humain!"

"You don't have to be so pissed, it was just a question."

"YOU KIDNAP ME AND YOU THINK THAT I DON'T HAVE TO BE PISSED! WHAT FUCKIN WORLD DID YOU COME FROM!" She yelled then spat in his face.

"YOU BITCH!" (a/n-the definition for bitch is a pregnant female dog, just thought you might want to know)

"Well, except for me being pregnant, thats pretty accurate." She said calmly.

"ARE YOU PSYCHOTIC! YOU WERE JUST ANGRY! WHAT THE HELL!"

"I'm a demon, I stay mad long...well lets just say a few seconds more and you would have been deprived. And to the psychotic question, I will answer the same way, I'm a demon, it comes with the package." Shenron said, grinning alittle.

"Your a perv, you know that?"

"More or less." Shenron said, shrugging and still grinning.

"How old are you?"

"Um, hold on..." Shenron looked up at the ceiling, thinking. "I'd say, somewhere between...5000, and 7000."

"WHAT!"

"You know, they come after 4000 and 6000, there numbers waaaaaaaaay up there."

"I know what they are, its just that, why aren't you dead yet?"

"Never met someone who could tame me enough to kill me, or smart enough, or strong enough."

"And how old was the other one you were with?"

"I'm guessing...900, maybe 1000."

"What has John gotten into now?"

"Deep shit Chaz, deep shit that won't let go." Chaz looked up at the demon, she looked sentimental. He had this weird urge to let her go. He tried to look away, but found that he couldn't.

"How do you know my name?"

"Demons have powers Chaz, don't think that I am any different."

"What are you doing to me?" Chaz asked trying to gain control of himself, and failing miserably. He found himself relaxing, found that the anger and confusion was being lifted, he felt incredible.

"There, now doesn't that feel better, little Chaz." Shenron's voice was calming, soothing, soft. Chaz felt it come across his skin, like silk rubbing gentle across his neck.

"Damn." Chaz's voice came out weak, and struggled. He felt so relaxed, and comforted, it was like he was drunk, without the after effect.

"15."

"What?" Chaz said, not really listen, just focusing on her eyes.

"You asked me 15 questions, so, you want the other five, or do you know who I am?" Shenron asked, her voice brushing across his face with a smooth silk-like feeling.

"Your...your cerberus." Chaz said, staring at her with renewed interest.

"You are good, for a young psychic. I wouldn't have been able to hold on to John, if he really wanted to fight back. It seems as though you might even become even strong than that pompass âne Constantine."

* * *

Shenron-puppy: See Dagger, I told you I would get it done today. :P 

Dagger-kitty: I don't care Shenron, you made fun of me. -.- DIE!

Shenron-puppy: Uh...Uh...I shall fight you with the power of the powerade! MAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Dagger-kitty: So, I have Gaterade.

Shenron-puppy: It seems that we are evenly matched! UNGARD!

.: fighting comences against Dagger with a Gaterade and Shenron with a powerade :.

Shenron-puppy: .: appears in front of screen with the powerade :. The powerade will kill the androids.


	5. The demons are coming to town

Shenron-puppy: Yoha peoples, and welcome to Chapter 5...5...5...5...5

Dagger-kitty: Shenron, why are you so psychotic?

Shenron-Puppy: Your just as psychotic. EEeeeHHHHhhhh!

Dagger-kitty: Whats with the EEeeeHHHHhhhh?

Shenron-puppy: Weren't we in the middle of fighting the last chapter?

Dagger-kitty: Ya, and I was kicking your ass!

Shenron-puppy: No, I was kicking your ass!

Dagger-kitty: Ok! Lets stop arguing and get to the freakin fic!

Shenron-puppy: What about the disclaimer?

Dagger-kitty: We don't own a damn thing, there, now can we get on with this?

Shenron-puppy: .: sticks tongue out :. Fine, dupid little mofo, ON WITH THE FIC!

* * *

Chapter 5

There was a knock on Dagger's door for the first time in a long time. She was starting think that she didn't have a door for people to knock on. She was sitting on the couch in her living room drinking when the knocking started, she didn't get up, she just yelled at the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's the arrogant fuck." John's voice exclaimed softly, and muffled coming throught the door. She got up and leaned against the door.

"What do you want?"

"I think Shenron might be torturing Chaz, he never came to my house, and he won't pick up his phone." John yelled from the other side of the door.

"That sounds like Shenron, but where would they be?" Dagger asked.

"I don't know, thats why I need you help," John sounded agravated. "You know Shenron's...favorite places to torture people."

"And what makes you so sure I do?" Dagger asked intrigued.

"You're her friend...I think," John said confusedly. Dagger opened the door a smidge.

"You went back on your promise, you know that right?"

"You can hit me however many times you want, but that doesn't change the fact that I need your help."

"Fine," she gave in, opening the door wide enough to get out.

"Thank you," John said, noding his head slightly. They started walking down the stairs, John stopping at Kia's apartment, but Dagger grabbed his arm and dragged him away from it.

"It's the morning, Kia will be asleep, she would kill me if I let you wake her up," Dagger said dragging him outside into the sun.

-John's apartment building-

John and Dagger walked into the apartment building, walking by the basement door.

"FUCK NO, HELL NO, AND ALL THE SHIT IN BETWEEN! I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!" Shenron's voice rang out through the apartment. Dagger opened the door, and looked down the stairs. Shenron was trying to go against the wall, but she was tied to a chair. Chaz was sitting in a chair a few feet from her.

"Kinky," Dagger said, grinning alittle and raising one eyebrow.

"What have you two been doing?" John asked, grinning leacherously.

"YOU TWO HAVE THE SICKEST MINDS!" Shenron yelled at them from the chair. "He wanted me to summon an angel, and that ain't going to happen."

"That's still kinky," Dagger teased, walking up to Shenron's chair. "I know your secrets Shenron. Don't make me use them against you."

"Just untie me." Shenron said, looking away from Dagger and staring at the far wall. Dagger untied Shenron, but slowly, as to try to get her angrier. Once Shenron was untied she walked over to the wall she had been staring at, and grabbed something. Instantly, a little messenger demon appeared in her hand.

"Hey, Shenron, baby! How are you doin? You look pleasently evil today, you know that?" the demon said, sweating alittle.

"Cut the crap Osadious, what do you want?"

"The devil has a message for you. A private meesage," the demon said peaking around Shenron and looking at the three humans.

"Then whisper it to me." Shenron said harshly.The demon cupped his hands over his mouth and started whispering so no one other than Shenron could hear.

"The boss says to tell you to keep your guard up for the next few days, almost all of the demons are getting loose, and they are coming here first for some psychics. Thats all I can tell you, but I can say this, some of the halfy's know somethings coming. If you want more information about this, I suggest going to them." the demon said, being as precise as he could. "And the boss also wanted me to ask you if you would give him the pleasure of going back down for a visit."

"Tell your boss that the information will be used wisely, and that I am going to have to decline the oh, so wonderful offer." Shenron told Osadious.

Osadious shrugged and disappeared in a fire ball. Shenron turned to the three humans standing behind her. Chaz was the only one wide eyed."That...was...AWSOME! I Didn't know a demon could do that."

"You are a newbie, aren't you?" Shenron asked him walking up to the three psychics. "I have a job for you Mr. Constantine."

"Really, what do I get to do, kill a revenge demon, destry a vampire, or maybe a dog demon?" John asked intrigued.

"You get to kill both of them, and more." Shenron started grinning an evil grin.

-three days later-

A demon ran into the alleyway, looking behind it as it ran. He was an ungly vengence demon, and it seemed as if something was chasing him. He ran down the alley and almost got to the open street when he was hit in the back of his head by a bullet. The bullet expanded and almost took of his entire head. John ran down the alley, seeing the demon without a head. He got to the demon and looked around, finding Dagger still aiming the gun at the demon. She put it away and jumped off the three story building, onto the ground just beside John.

"I thought Shenron said this would be difficult," Dagger said, looking down at the demon.

"I did," Shenron said walking in on the other side of the alley, Kia following closely behind her. Kia was frowning a deep frown, Osadious was in her hand. "The demon that we have killed thus far are just the beginning. There are 10 demons to go, some of them aren't here yet, but we should destroy them quickly."

"These demons are easy, I thought there would at least be one that would be a challenge." Dagger enthusiastically said.

"You should learn to hold your tongue until your elders are done talking DAGGER!" Shenron yelled at her. "As I was saying, we should destroy them quickly, because they are almost as strong as the devil himself."

"So, where are they? Lets just kill them now." Chaz said walking out of the door to the building that Dagger had jumped from.

"Well, if it isn't Chaz the demon kidnapper." Shenron aid crossing her arms and giving Chaz a dirty look. "Tell him to leave, John!"

"Leave Chaz."

"No."

"Fine."

"WHAT!" Shenron yelled, looking very offended. "Fine, have it you way. I'm not helping."

"Whatever, do what you want. None of us are argueing with you." John said waving the psychotic demon away. Shenron stomped off in a rage, muttering something in French.

"John, I congradulate you in destrying the world." Dagger said, starting to walk away.

"What do you mean? I just got rid of the most annoying demon I've ever met."

"First off, she and Kia are the only real demons you have ever met, second I admit she is annoying, but she is also a very good person to be around when your in a bad mood. And third, Shenron is the only one who knows where these demons are."

"So, we can find out all on our own, we don't need Shenron." John said, looking proud.

"Wrong again John," this time Kia joined the conversation. "Demons talk to demon, especially one that will let them into her pants. She is a pretty damn good negotiater, if she can't bribe them, then she hurts them untill they do."

"But your a demon, can't you do all that?"

"Sorry, but vamps aren't liked much by other demons. I torture them, and they don't talk, and I give vamps an even worse name." Kia said, waving her arms for emphasis. "I will get killed for that."

"Plus, Kia will deny this, Shenron is the strongest demon on Earth at this time, without her, were screwed."Dagger harshly said. "Unless John, you turn into a demon really quickly, I suggest we go get Shenron."

"Wonderful," John sighed, rubbing his head, getting rid of the inevitible migrane. "How, exactly do we trace a more than 5000 year old demon, who doesn't want to be found?"

"We go to her house." Dagger shrugged and started walking.

"Cerberus has a house! That must be one huge dog house!" Chaz said excitedly, following behind.

-Shenron's place-

John's jaw dropped at the site of the house, Dagger looked at it with no real interest, and Kia was surprised, but she didn't show it.

"Well, I was right about it being big." Chaz said, staring at the house in bewilderment. The house was huge, with four stories, and the yard in front was at least two miles wide, and who knew how far back it went. A fence went around the entire estate, and a three headed dog emblim was on the front gate. Dagger punched in a code on the key code pad, and the gate swung open. Dagger was in the lead, Kia following shortly behind, John following a few feet behind, and Chaz was googling at the site, walking at his own pace.

Dagger walked up to the huge houses front door and rung the doorbell. A man in his maybe early fifties came to the door.

"May I help you?" the man asked.

"Ya, is Shenron home?" Kia asked, showing fang.

"Why yes she is. Come on in, I shall inform her that she has guests." the man bowed to them and showed them to a huge living room, with a giant screen tv, four leather couches, and six leather cush chairs. I t also housed a playstation 2, X box, and a Game cube. To the right of the tv, stood a bookcase to the ceiling, full of games.

"How can Shenron be this rich?" John asked staring around the house.

"When you know the devil, things tend to get easier for you." Shenrons voice came from right behind John. John jumped and turned, finding there host behind him. "You seem alittle jumpy Mr. Constantine."

"A guy could get used to this," Chaz said relaxing in a chair.

"Well its too bad for you that you don't live here then, do you?" Shenron said grinning an evil grin. "Demon kidnapper."

"I'm sorry, can we let it go?" Chaz asked alittle mad that Shenron was spoiling the moment.

"No, I'm afraid not." Shenron said and walked out of the room. She reappeared in the doorway. "You guys coming or what?"

* * *

The room was a shade of dark blue, with black carpeting, and a bar in the corner. There were at least twenty chairs in the room. This rrom was even bigger than the living, times two. Everyones jaw dropped except for Shenrons when they got into the room.Shenron walked right over to the bar, and got herself a bottle of rum. She took a swig, looked over at John, Chaz, Dagger, and Kia, and shrugged. "Do you want anything?"

"Knowing the devil can't get you all of this." Dagger said walking over to the bar, that she just know noticed was pure jade.

"Your right, but owning the worlds largest soy bean company can." Shenron said taking a seat and drinking half the bottle. "You know its not illeagal to sit."

"It should be in a place like this."Chaz said going over to the bar, about to grab a bottle of rum. He grabbed the bottle and was about to take a drink when Kia took it from him, shaking her head with an angry look on her face.

"Alright, fun and games are over, time to show you why I actually got you guys to come here." Shenron said, putting both of her legs over the left arm of the chair and lounging against the other.

"What do you mean _you_ got us here? We're the ones that need your help." Dagger said, a little confused.

"I needed you all here, so I did a little thing called reverse psychology. You do know what that means, don't you John?" Shenron mocked, taking another swig of rum. John started fuming.

"Why did you need us here?" Kia asked.

"Because," Shenron said, getting a bit annoyed. "I need you here to show you how to get to the first demon."

Shenron pushed a button that had appeared on the chair, and a screen came down from the ceiling. She pushed another on, and a human looking demon came onto the screen. It was bald, and had no face, just skin.

"What is that?" Dagger asked, looking at the ugly thing.

"This is our first target, a fear demon that goes by the name of Clers." Shenron said, looking at the demon. "He is living in a cave on my property, thats why I needed you here."

"Then lets go kick his ass. I don't know why we're just sitting here like idiots." Datter said, starting to walk out of the room.

"Clers doesn't like company, you sure you want to?" Shenron said, getting up out of the chair.

"I'm sure."

* * *

Shenron-puppy: For some reason I feel short.

Dagger-kitty: YOU FEEL SHORT! I'M SMALLER THAN YOU ARE!

Shenron-puppy: Its not my fault that one of my friends is a whole foot taller than I am!

Dagger-kitty: So, your point?

Shenron-puppy: I FEEL SHORT!

Dagger-kitty: I GIVE UP! Just R&R please!

Shenron-puppy: I bet androids don't feel short.


End file.
